Beyond the Buzzword: Building Real Emotional Intelligence 4
The EI Advantage: Relationship Management
This is the final instalment of my newsletters examining the four components of emotional intelligence (EI). I have aimed to make it relatable and to counter the eye-rolling when it is mentioned.
If you are still sceptical, there is plenty of research on the benefits of EI.
A study published in the research journal Frontiers in Psychology revealed that emotional intelligence is positively associated with organisational commitment, culture, job satisfaction, and job performance, and negatively associated with job stress.
Another study in the International Journal of Environmental Research in Public Health found similar results, with emotionally intelligent healthcare leaders reducing burnout among their teams and encouraging greater “team empowerment and proactivity.”
According to TalentSmartEQ, research shows that organisations prioritising EI get remarkable results.
· 25% higher employee performance when leaders demonstrate high emotional intelligence.
· 25% higher team productivity when driven by strong social awareness and collaboration.
· 20% lower turnover rates among employees with elevated EI, saving millions in recruitment and training costs.
According to JC Market Research, the global emotional intelligence market is projected to grow at a CAGR of 25.2% during the forecast period from 2022 to 2031.
This research illuminates the game-changing potential of emotional intelligence. It is critical to the success of individuals, leaders, teams and organisations.
This week, I want to explore Relationship management.
The four components
The four components of EI are:
· Self-awareness
· Self-management
· Social awareness
· Relationship management
Relationship management
Relationship management builds upon the self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness skills that we have covered in this series.
Relationship management encompasses your ability to communicate clearly, maintain strong relationships with others, connect with people from diverse cultures, collaborate effectively in teams, and resolve conflicts.
It is reliant on your ability to use the other three areas of EI to manage relationships effectively. You must be aware of your emotions (self-awareness), be able to manage them effectively (self-management), and understand other people and their emotions (social awareness).
Why?
It facilitates effective communication, conflict resolution, and positive collaboration, resulting in stronger personal and professional relationships.
It improves teamwork and cooperation, creating a more positive and supportive work environment.
Having a culture of strong relationships in the workplace enhances employee loyalty, boosts motivation, reduces conflicts, fosters trust and confidence, improves work-life balance, and encourages better employee engagement. Overall, maintaining good relationships can lower stress and bring satisfaction in both your professional and personal life.
How?
In the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Travis Bradbury and Jean Greaves provide 17 strategies for relationship management. Adapted from getstoryshots.com.
1. Be open and curious. Sharing things about yourself reduces the chance of misinterpretation, and the more you understand someone else, the better you can interpret their emotional signals.
2. Enhance your natural communication style. We can all benefit from understanding and adjusting our natural way of communicating. The authors suggest another writing exercise, with the positives of your style on one side and the negatives on the other. Ask friends or family to help you identify the strengths and weaknesses, and select a few of each to emphasise or to work on.
3. Avoid giving mixed signals. It’s possible to say something on your mind while showing body language that expresses a different emotion, which could be from a different situation or conversation. Stay aware of your feelings to make sure your body and voice match your words; if they don’t, explain why so others don’t receive mixed signals.
4. Remember the small gestures that make a big difference. Reintroduce good manners into your speech if you haven’t already developed the habit of saying simple phrases like “please,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry.”
5. Take feedback well. Appreciate the feedback you receive, and be mindful of your response. Ask for examples to truly understand what is being said, and thank the person for their feedback. It’s difficult to give and receive feedback. Many of the previous points apply; consider sleeping on the feedback or creating an emotion versus reason list.
6. Build trust. Start the trust-building process by being the first person to be open and share something about yourself. Open communication, willingness to share, consistency in words, actions, and behaviour over time, and reliability in following through on the agreements of the relationship all foster trust.
7. Have an “open-door” policy. The aim here is to find specific ways to increase your accessibility to others, not to make your time available to anyone at any time.
8. Only become angry intentionally. It is healthy to express anger in a way that shows you have strong feelings or that a situation is serious. Use anger intentionally and sparingly, rather than allowing it to control you. Put pen to paper; jot down things that make you angry, from minor annoyances to triggers that cause an explosion. Clearly define the level of anger in each situation that could improve the relationship. If it’s not possible, then anger is not suitable for that situation.
9. Don’t avoid the inevitable. When you’re faced with a situation you dislike, don’t withdraw; it will only make things worse. Use your emotional intelligence to identify what can help you handle or improve the situation.
10. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings. Accept others’ right to experience their emotions without either dismissing those feelings or making them seem unimportant. Respect the right to those feelings, even if you don’t agree with the feelings themselves. Listen carefully and repeat back what you’ve heard to demonstrate your understanding and concern.
11. Complement the person’s emotions or situation. We often tend to mirror the other person’s feelings, but responding to anger with anger, for example, will only make things worse. Take some time to recall past situations you have experienced and think about when someone else behaved in a way that complemented your emotions, making the interaction more pleasant.
12. When you care, demonstrate it. Small acts of appreciation can foster strong relationships.
13. Explain your decisions, don’t just make them. People need to understand why a decision was made and why it was supported. Take time to verbalise your decision-making process, including the alternatives considered and why you chose those options. Seek input before deciding if possible, and always acknowledge the impact of your decision. The authors suggest reviewing your calendar to identify your next three decisions, considering who will be affected, and preparing explanations, among other steps.
14. Make your feedback direct and constructive. The key to giving effective feedback is to consider the person receiving it and adapt your approach accordingly. Take the time to consider the person beforehand.
15. Align your intention with your impact. Times when your impact didn’t align with your intention will give you clues about the areas of your EQ you can improve. Think about times when you unintentionally caused hard feelings or relationships that seem illogically strained.
16. Offer a “fix-it” statement during a broken conversation. Learn to recognise when a conversation is deteriorating, and say something like, “This is hard,” or “How are you feeling?” Offer a reset button to restore open lines of communication.
17. Tackle a tough conversation. Tough conversations will arise, regardless of your EQ. The authors suggest a six-part approach to managing them more effectively:
Start the discussion with common ground.
Ask the other person to help you understand how they feel.
Don’t defend your point of view until you’ve heard the other person’s perspective.
Then help the other person understand your perspective – your reasoning, feelings, and so on. Apologise, if appropriate, for the difficulty of the situation.
Move the conversation forward once what can be said has been said. Obtain agreement on the next steps.
Follow up on what you’ve discussed at a later time to genuinely address the issues.
Making it real
Take the guidance out into the real world and apply it.
When you disagree, approach it with a problem-solving attitude. Aim for win-win solutions for all involved rather than becoming defensive.
Consistently show reliability, honesty, and openness in everything you do. Live your values and walk the talk. People will not trust you if you say one thing and do another.
Adapt your communication style to the person you are speaking to and the context. Your approach should cater to your audience's needs. Some individuals might prefer a more direct manner, while others may favour a more collaborative approach. You can identify their preferences through your social awareness, review of past miscommunications, and active listening.
Seek feedback on your relationships, connections and collaborations. Find out what you are doing well and what you can improve. Act upon what you have been told.
A process
Given sufficient time and quality interactions, we can establish a meaningful relationship with anyone we meet. We should strive to develop positive relationships with those we like, as well as with those we are less fond of. Once established, both parties will gain a deeper understanding of each other and benefit from the connection.
Relationships can be difficult, especially at work or when under stress. Skilfully managing them will help you start direct, effective conversations to reduce misunderstandings, resolve conflicts, and achieve your desired goals.
