The title is my artistic licence to deviate from the original title of the classic Elvis song to make my point!

 Whilst preparing for a podcast with Ali Juma on The Inner Game of Change, I was thinking what my parting piece of advice would be for the change practitioners listening to the show.

I wanted to suggest that we should think more about having conversations with our stakeholders than communication to our stakeholders. That led me to think about the core differences between communication and conversation, the creation of the infographic, and the content for this newsletter.

In the infographic I isolated 10 key differences between communication and conversation. I could have included more but the list was getting unwieldy.

I still come across managers and executives that believe that they have communicated because they sent an email to staff. That is not communication, that is a broadcast. To avoid common mistakes like this associated with communication, we should think more about having a conversation which would avoid the “talking at you” form of exchanging information to become the “talking with you” exchange of words.

Think of it this way. Communication cannot be the means of conversation whilst conversation can be the means of communication.

© 2022 Karen Ferris

In this newsletter I will look at the first five differences.

1.   Monologue v dialogue

Monologue is typically a speech made by one person and there is an absence of interaction. This is when someone is talking at you. In contrast, a dialogue is when someone talks with you. It is a conversation between two or more people. The upside of dialogue is that it means you must be prepared to listen. If you are not listening, then you are not leading people or leading change in your organisation. It never ceases to amaze me how hard organisations work to hire smart people and then wonder why they get frustrated when they are not involved in a conversation about change. Smart people want to be a part of the conversation and not talked at. They want to be involved.

Leadership is about building relationships and that comes about through understanding others – their perspectives, views, ideas, values, and aspirations. That can only be accomplished through having a conversation and dialogue.

“A dialogue is a conversation with a center, not with sides.”

~ William Isaacs

2.   May not solicit a response v solicits a response

Much communication is one-way and neither solicit a response nor is reciprocated with a response. There are two distinct outcomes.

When communication is a broadcast, an announcement, or a notification, it is not asking for employee feedback. It does not encourage employees to ask questions or seek further clarification. It is a blanket statement to be accepted on its face value. For employees, that is like being in a dictatorship. My way or the highway. Welcome to The Great Resignation.

When communication does solicit a response and suggests that employees should provide feedback it is often not reciprocated. The nature of the communication infers it is a done deal and therefore employees do not feel there is much point in sharing their thoughts. History may also have shown that feedback is requested but not listened to which deters employees from responding. The aim of communication is to convey a message. The aim of conversation is to have a discussion.

A conversation therefore explicitly solicits feedback. A conversation is an exchange of ideas, thoughts, sentiments, observations, feelings, and opinions between two or more people. It is only by soliciting a response will you find out what employees are thinking. If you do not hear what they are thinking and act accordingly, you are just doing change to people rather than with them and that will result in the failure of change.

You must provide various channels for employees to respond. They must be accessible and easy to use. The most important thing is to make sure you indicate that you have received the response, you have listened, and the action you will take. Failure to do so results in requests for future feedback not being reciprocated.

3.   Distributes information v. creates understanding

Communication is the conveyance of a formed idea. It distributes information via a well-curated message to a defined set of recipients. Conversation ensures understanding.

If you just communicate you have no idea whether your message was received as intended. Communication doesn’t check that the language, form, or tone of the message resonated with the audience and was understood. A conversation always ensures an understanding as it cannot take place unless both parties are speaking in a language and form understood by the other.

A conversation also allows a check to take place that the message has been understood as intended. Everyone can interpret what has been stated differently. Two people can hear the same words and take away different ideas.

A conversation can verify what has been heard not just what has been despatched. If the message has not been understood as intended, it can be adjusted and revised accordingly. It is dangerous if messages about change are interpreted in different ways by different people. It leads to uncertainty, anxiety, and stress. What one person heard was different to what another person heard and therefore no one is clear on what the reality is.

4.   Implies one part has more weight than the other v. all parties have equal importance

When communication is one-sided and unidirectional, it implies that the party delivering the message is more important than the recipients.  When there is no response solicited, it says that the decision has been made by someone who knows better than everyone else and does not need their input, thoughts, or ideas.

When we have a conversation, all parties are of equal importance. A real conversation allows every voice to be heard and thoughts and ideas exchanged.

It should not need saying, but not soliciting the thoughts and ideas of all employees on a level playing field can be disastrous. It is often the employees who are closer to the customer and closer to the action and operational aspects of the business, who know whether an idea is a good one or not. What might seem a good idea from the board room may seem like a bad one on the factory floor.

Once again this is a sure way for you to become another statistic in The Great Resignation. If you are going to change to people and not with them, they will eventually go elsewhere. They will go to an employer who is open to hearing their thoughts and ideas. Where they feel included, their voice is heard, and their ideas valued.

5.   May not involve listening v. involves listening

Communication does not have to involve listening. Conversation must involve listening. You cannot have a bidirectional discussion without listening to the other participants. You must listen and hear what is being said so you can respond accordingly.

Active listening means you listen attentively to the person speaking, understand what they are saying by seeking clarity, reflect on what has been said, and respond accordingly. 

How do we do this in large groups I hear you ask? How do we actively listen to the entire workforce? You use leaders, teams, and agents of change.  These are the people that should be listening to the feedback from employees and relaying it to those initiating a change.

These are the people paying attention to what is being said, indicating that they are listening, avoiding distraction, deferring judgement, clarifying what they have heard, and responding appropriately.

There is a massive difference between hearing and listening. Hearing just means that we perceive sound. Listening means that you pay attention to the sound, decode it, understand it, and absorb its meaning. We can hear but we can choose not to listen. Hearing is involuntary whilst listening is voluntary.

If you do not listen to what employees are saying, you could be on an ill-informed and dangerous course of action.

Summary

Let’s have a little more conversation rather than just communication. Let’s connect and explain; talk and listen; engage and exchange; transform and reshape; build relationships and create understanding, for successful change.