In my last newsletter I started my exploration of a recent article from Harvard Business Review. It reaffirmed what many of us already know which that is being a good CEO is no longer just about having industry expertise and financial savvy but more about having strong social skills.

It also explored the reasons that the focus on CEO and C-suite skills must change. Organisations need executives who can motivate diverse, technically savvy, and global workforces.

The authors research determined the capabilities that are now in demand, how they have changed over time, and what adjustments organisations need to make to ensure they have the social skills in place for success. 

The social skills needed include; high levels of self-awareness; ability to communicate and listen effectively; facility for working with a diverse workforce; and theory of mind.

In the last newsletter I looked at the drivers for change, what needs to change, and I examined the first two of the social skills – high levels of self-awareness and the ability to communication and listen effectively. In this newsletter I will look at the other two social skills as well as two fundamental characteristics that I believe must be in place if these other social skills are to be built.

Facility for working with a diverse workforce

Diversity in the workforce is expected of all organisations today. Diversity skills give organisations a competitive edge. An organisation that values and practices diversity will have a lower turnover, higher job satisfaction, more creativity, and be able to attract and retain the best talent.

Everyone must be aware of diversity and inclusion and be able to foster a diverse and inclusive work environment. Diversity refers to the process of bringing together people from various backgrounds, cultures, values, and perspectives. 

Diversity skills include:

·       Confronting bias

·       Mitigating microaggressions

·       Cross-cultural communication

·       Multicultural and multi-ethnic understanding

·       Combatting stereotypes

·       Cultural awareness and belonging

·       Inclusive management

·       Open-mindedness

·       Equity

·       Conflict resolution

·       Communication

Everyone must have access to diversity training.

Everyone must make a concerted effort to encourage a more heterogeneous environment through promoting a culture of tolerance, open communication and creating conflict management strategies to address issues that may arise.

Leaders need to effectively manage diversity in the workplace, they need to understand their backgrounds and how their behavior and beliefs can affect their decision-making within a diverse environment.

Everyone should feel safe to call out inappropriate behavior. There must be a zero-tolerance policy on discrimination in the workplace.

Theory of mind – the capacity to infer how others are thinking and feeling

Theory of mind is an important cognitive skill that involves the ability to think about mental states, both your own and those of others. Forming a theory of mind is critical in our ability to understand ourselves and others. Our social functioning also hinges on having a theory of mind. By being able to think about what other people are thinking, we can better understand others and predict what they might do next.

Psychologists call it “theory” of mind because our beliefs about what might be going on in another person’s mind are just that – theories. While we can make assumptions, we have no direct way of knowing exactly what a person might be thinking. We can only rely on our own theories that we develop based on what people say, how they act, what we know about their personalities, and what we can infer from their intentions.

There is plenty of research into how children learn the theory of mind during infancy and early childhood. They do this through paying attention, imitating others, and understanding intentions. However, there is little known about how to further develop the theory of mind in adults that they developed as a child and strategies for fostering the skills for social interaction.

Typical adults have theory of mind concepts they developed as children but how do they use them in complex, dynamic and fast-moving environments. It could be that they use them automatically or it could be that they need to be continually developed. There is research to support the fact that adults do not reliably use this ability for the very purpose for which it is designed, to interpret the actions of others. There are other studies showing that adults have egocentric biases, which cause them to neglect other people’s perceptions entirely, as they are influenced by own beliefs, knowledge or preferences when judging those of other people.

So how do we check or develop our capacity to infer how others are thinking and feeling. I suggest several things.

Reading the mind through eyes

The Reading the Mind in The Eyes Test was developed by Professor Simon Baron-Cohen in 1997 and updates in 2001. The test has been evaluated in over 250 studies to date and has found to have good reliability and validity.

The test presents you with 36 pictures showing just the eyes on people’s faces. Each picture is accompanied by four emotions, and you must pick the emotion you think is indicated by the eyes.

You can take the test here.

Micro expressions

If your results indicate that you cannot relate an emotion to expressions, you may want to consult the Paul Ekman Group. Paul Ekman discovered micro facial expressions that occur within a fraction of a second. This involuntary emotional leakage exposes a person’s true emotion. The Paul Ekman Group website has a myriad of resources including training tools to help develop the capability to read micro expressions and tools to help you respond to the emotions you detect in other people.

(Disclaimer: Karen Ferris has no affiliation with Paul Ekman Group)

There are other useful resources here:

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/microexpressions/

https://www.verywellmind.com/understanding-emotions-through-facial-expressions-3024851

Of course, the other way to understand what people are thinking is to actively listen and communicate with them.

What else?

As I considered the four social skills that the Harvard Business Review article stated are needed, I reflected on some of the more obnoxious characters I have come across over the years. “Would they be able to build these social skills,” I asked myself. The answer was a resounding no. The reason being that these characters have an arrogance that they know it all. They have a fixed mindset and do not believe they need to develop especially in what they would dismiss as the “soft skills.” They are certainly not listeners and are not interested in what others have to say. They are not able to work in a diverse workforce due to their bigotry, bias, and prejudice.

Therefore, I believe there are three other foundation characteristics that must be in place when you are looking to build social skills. These characteristics must be front of mind when hiring. I would suggest that when evaluating employee performance, if these things are not in place, there is good reason not to retain them. These are the people that create and sustain your toxic workplace.

The three foundational characteristics are:

·       Growth mindset

·       Compassion

·       Courage

Growth mindset

Dr. Carol Dweck coined the term “growth mindset.” She has been studying human motivation for some 30 years. She noticed there was a significant difference between different students’ approach to success and failure, which inspired her to start doing research and building a theory around it. She used the terms to describe those people who believe they can achieve great things through hard work and strong relationships with others.

When you possess a growth mindset, you believe that your talents, intelligence, and abilities can be developed further. You believe you can grow.

Dr. Dweck defined it as

“The growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts. Although people may differ in every which way in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests, or temperaments, everyone can change and grow through application and experience.”

When you have a growth mindset you don’t see setbacks as failure, but as an opportunity to learn.

If you have a fixed mindset, you believe that your abilities, talents, intelligence, or personality traits are given and unchangeable. You’re born with what you’re born with—and that’s it. If this is the case you will not acknowledge that you can increase your levels of self-awareness, improve your communication and listening skills, increase your capability to work effectively with a diverse workforce, or to learn how to infer how others are thinking and feeling.

There is no place in your fixed mindset to build social skills. This is extremely debilitating. You must step out from behind it and believe that a growth mindset is possible to achieve.

Compassion

Compassionate leaders have empathy and good leadership skills. They lead from the head and the heart. They know that employees are people first and foremost. They treat others the way they would like to be treated. They create an environment in which every employee feels safe and valued.

Everyone can ‘lead’ with compassion. You do not have to be bestowed with the title of leader.

Compassion comprises empathy (the ability to understand and experience others’ emotions) and an intention to benefit others. While empathy is “to feel with someone,” compassion is “to be there to help.” 

We must create a workforce that is empathetic to each other.

We often say that being empathetic is walking a mile in another person’s shoes. I don’t think that is true. I believe that being empathetic is understanding how the other person feels like walking in their shoes.

When we truly understand each other, we can respond and support each other in the most appropriate manner. When we build relationships with our colleagues through empathy, we build trust.

We can help our people become more empathetic by developing their communication and active listening skills, raising awareness of biases, filters, and assumptions, and increasing emotional intelligence.

Empathy boosts productivity, fuels effective collaboration, and build strong relationships. It provides a common ground upon which teams can understand each other’s perspectives, gain trust, and move forward together.

Building empathy provides insights into employees’ reactions to various situations and unless you know what they are, you cannot respond to them.

Courage

Courageous leaders and employees do not pretend to be fearless when there are good reasons to be afraid, or pretend to have all the answers when they don’t. This is not impressive, and everyone sees through it as it is not authentic.

Courageous people are prepared to admit is when they do not have all the answers. They are prepared to admit when they have made a mistake.

Courage is a foundation of self-awareness as you are brave enough to acknowledge and understand your emotions. You are prepared to peel back the layers of the onion and reveal all the layers – good, bad, and ugly. Courage means you are prepared to listen to other people regardless of whether you like what is being said or not. You are open to feedback and actively seek it out. Courage means you are prepared to acknowledge your prejudices and biases, work to remove them and build great relationships with a diverse workforce. Courage means you are prepared to infer what other people are thinking even though you may not like what you find.

Courageous people are open and humble. They are prepared to be vulnerable. They are authentic and transparent. Courageous people are prepared to have the difficult conversations to make things better for all.

Summary

These social skills are now in high demand as organisations recognise the competitive advantage they deliver. 

Good communication skills are essential to allow others and yourself to understand information more accurately and quickly. In contrast, poor communication skills lead to frequent misunderstandings and frustration.

Diversity enhances creativity. It provides access to new information and perspectives, leading to better decision making and problem solving. Diversity can improve the bottom line of organisations and lead to unconstrained discoveries and breakthrough innovations.

Theory of mind is critical for us to understand ourselves and others. Building a strong theory of mind plays an important role in our social worlds as we work to understand how people think, to predict their behavior, to engage in social relationships, and to solve interpersonal conflicts. We are better able to respond accordingly.

Without the foundational characteristics of having a growth mindset, being compassionate, and having courage, these social skills will not be built. If you want to build these skills – and you should – you need to ensure your employee possess those three foundational characteristics and you hire people with those characteristics.