Erosive Empathy

Back in October 2021, I wrote an article entitled “Employees Want Empathetic Bosses” which explored the findings of the 2021 EY Empathy in Business Survey which tracked how empathy affects leaders, employees and innovation in the workplace.

In March this year, EY released the findings of the 2023 Empathy in Business Survey which studied more than 1,000 employed US workers.

The key message emerging is that authentic empathy is the key to your organisation’s success.

Dishonest empathy

The report says:

“Time and time again we have found that business transformation success is rooted in human emotions, with empathy at the core.”

“US talent believe that mutual empathy between leaders and employees creates a safe, agile culture that can increase efficiency, creativity, job satisfaction, idea sharing and innovation.”

“However, in many cases, these same workers see corporate attempts to foster such understanding to be disingenuous or inconsistent – and thus ineffective. Leadership demonstrating empathy in the workplace, not merely preaching it, will resonate with employees far more effectively.”

Half of the employees surveyed (52%) perceive corporate attempts at empathy to be inauthentic (up from 46% in 2021). 47% of employees surveyed reported a lack of follow-through when it comes to company promises (up from 42% in 2021).

When efforts to be empathetic are perceived as dishonest and there is no follow-through on promises made to employees, there is an erosion of trust. Trust breaks down when empathy is simply lip service with no real substance. It is just theatre.

Why we need empathy

Disruption is a constant in the workplace. A looming recession or stagflation, corporate downsizing, pandemic recovery, accelerating digital transformation, erosion of trust, and geopolitical tensions, cause organisational disruption. Organisational success will depend on a focus on the emotional and human dimensions of change.

We also need empathy as an integral part of our conversation about the future of work. There is no empathy when a CEO demands that employees return to the office. During the two-plus years of the pandemic, many employees changed their lifestyles. Some expanded their family with the addition of a pet. Others moved to locations where larger housing, more suitable for working from home, was affordable. This may have put them outside a reasonable commute to and from the office, but they were under the assumption that having proved the working-from-home experiment a massive success, the arrangement would continue. Others moved even further away to be near family as they knew they could work anywhere that had connectivity.

Leaders must appreciate how employees’ lives have changed over the past few years, the varied experiences they have had and what their current desires, aspirations and needs are. Leaders must acknowledge that every employee is different and therefore the methods of communication and engagement must differ too. There is no one-size-fits-all approach.

Leaders must have true and authentic empathetic conversations with employees and determine the best way in which to address their needs whilst achieving business outcomes. Just demanding a blanket return to the office because you want to go back to the way it was before March 2020 is devoid of empathy.

The state of workplace empathy

Businesssolver has spent seven years studying the evolution of empathy in the workplace. Over that period, they have engaged with more than 20,000 employees, human resource professionals, and chief executives. The 2022 State of Workplace Empathy data reveals that the cracks have started to show.

Fewer employees view their organisations as empathetic whilst workplace empathy has clear implications for employee well-being, talent retention, and business results.

Key findings

69% of employees say their organisations are empathetic, down from 72% in 2021.

While 94% of employees value flexible work hours as empathetic, the option is only offered by 38% of organisations. That’s nearly one-third of employees who don’t feel heard, understood, or appreciated.

Nearly all employees (94%) say that flexible work hours demonstrate an organisation’s empathy toward its people.

69% of CEOs believe it’s their job to build empathy in the workplace, 79% say they struggle to be empathetic.

77% of CEOs worry they will lose respect if they’re too empathetic, a nine-point increase compared to last year. 

2 out of 3 employees believe employers view people with mental health issues as “weak” or “a burden.”

59% of employees fear reaching out to a manager or HR about a mental health issue could negatively affect their job security.

Bridging the empathy gap

The gap is summed up in this statement from the Businesssolver report.

“Early in the pandemic, CEOs admirably led the charge in raising mental health awareness and destigmatizing help seeking. But our 2022 State of Workplace Empathy findings show that executives are more disconnected than ever in how they perceive mental health and how to build a culture that supports employees’ well-being.”

Whilst organisations know that empathy is crucial to success as the research clearly demonstrates, employees feel it is missing or unauthentic. Organisations know they must address the gap or lose their talent, yet in many cases, efforts are empty gestures.

An excellent article by Anne Helen Petersen, wiring for Time magazine, describes the gap as a set of policies, initiatives and messaging developed to respond to the “friction” of a workforce unsettled by the pandemic, and other prevailing forces.

Organisations want the same endpoint they have had for eons, which is profit – the more the better, with as little friction as possible. In this context, the frictionless employee is the ideal employee. An unhappy employee causes friction.

Petersen describes what I call the empathy gap, as the “empathy trap.”

“Therein lies the empathy trap. So long as organizations view employees with different needs as sources of friction, and solutions to those needs as examples of unfairness, they will continue to promote and retain employees with the capacity to make their personalities, needs and identities as frictionless as possible. They will encourage “bringing the whole self to work,” but only on a good day. They will fetishize “sharing personal stories,” but only when the ramifications don’t interfere with the product or create interpersonal conflict. This is what happens when you conceive of empathy as allowances: Those who would benefit from it become less desirable workers. Their friction is centered, and their value decreases.”

So how do we bridge the gap?

Understanding

Before we can start to bridge the empathy gap, we need everyone to understand what empathy is and what it is not.

Empathy is the ability to recognise and understand what others are feeling. Furthermore, it involves understanding the underlying reasons for another person’s behaviour.

It is not sympathy. Sympathy is more one-directional – you feel sad for what someone else is experiencing but you have little comprehension of what that feels like.

It cannot be a buzzword. It must be a cultural principle.

Many people believe that empathy is walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. As the song goes:

“Walk a mile in my shoes
Walk a mile in my shoes
Hey, before you abuse
Criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes. 

I don’t believe that describes empathy. Empathy is understanding how the other person feels walking in their own shoes.

There is an excellent video by Brené Brown that illustrates the crucial difference between empathy and sympathy. I use it a lot in my workshops as it captures the difference so simply.

Some would go further and say that compassion comprises empathy – the ability to understand and experience others’ emotions – and an intention to benefit others. While empathy is “to feel with someone,” compassion is “to be there to help.”

Intentional

Organisations must make empathy an integral part of the company culture. This does not just happen by osmosis. It must be intentional. There must be an organisational-wide intent to learn how to be truly empathetic. Everyone, including CEOs, must be able to demonstrate empathy, despite their unfounded fear that doing so would cost them the respect of their colleagues.

Empathy must be mirrored from the top down.

Enabling

Enable everyone to treat each other as human beings. As people who have good days and bad days; as people who have worries and concerns; as people who have responsibilities for others; as people who laugh and cry; as people who strive to be better; as people from different backgrounds with different cultural contexts; and as people with different life experiences.

Everyone must recognise that emotional transformation is an ongoing journey. Everyone must work on themselves to deepen their self-awareness so they can manage their own emotions and help others navigate theirs.

Enable everyone to better learn and demonstrate empathy.

Learning

Enabling is accomplished through learning and the use of that learning on a day-to-day basis. There are key learnings to enable empathy in the workplace.

Emotional intelligence

There are five elements to Emotional Intelligence (EI) as identified by psychologist Daniel Goleman. When people develop EI, they incorporate empathy.

1. Self-awareness

2. Self-regulation

3. Motivation

4. Empathy

5. Social skills

Empathy is critical to emotional intelligence, but it is more than just recognising and understanding what another person is feeling, it also involves your response based on the information you have collated.

With emotional intelligence, you can rise above the emotion in the conversation, and put aside your feelings and the feelings of the other person, to view the situation subjectively. The emotions in the conversation do not control the outcome.

According to Nick Hobson writing for Inc. Australia, highly emotionally intelligent people recognise there are two types of empathy – emotional empathy and cognitive empathy. They can nurture both.

Psychological safety

Empathy cannot operate effectively without an environment in which people feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgement or negative consequences. Everyone must work to create an environment of psychological safety. Psychological safety encourages safe and effective interpersonal risk-taking. It allows employees to feel safe to reach out for help.

People who operate with real empathy develop a connection of trust with others. This trust helps foster an environment of psychological safety.

Active listening

Not only are empathic people good communicators, but they are also skilled at active listening. They give the other person their undivided attention. They avoid distractions at all costs. They do not interrupt or judge. They remove all biases, filters, and assumptions. They let the other person finish what they have to say. They acknowledge that they are listening. They make eye contact, observe body language, and listen to tonal inflections that might indicate what is beneath what is being said.

Activity

Empathy must be demonstrated through action. All the learning and enablement in the world will not establish empathy. It must be actioned intentionally and authentically.

Check-in

Everyone, especially leaders, should check in on each other. Continually ask “Are you ok?” or “Is everything ok?” Follow up with open-ended questions which required more than just a ‘yes’ or ’no’ answer. “What has been a challenge for you this week?” “How do you feel your mental well-being is compared with this time last month?”

Everyone needs to determine how to uncover those who are struggling and know how to offer support. It is far too late to realise the situation when an employee burns out.

Flexibility

As already mentioned, we need empathy as an integral part of our conversation about the future of work. There is no empathy when a CEO issues an edict that employees must return to the office.

Employees want to work where they want, when they want, and how they want. They have had a taste of flexibility and autonomy which has drastically changed their expectations.

The C-suite and leaders must consider and respond to the employees’ continued call for flexibility. They must engage with employees in an empathetic conversation to determine what can be done to meet their needs whilst still delivering on business outcomes.

Mental health

The mental health benefits available to employees must be made visible. When an employee is aware of the programs and benefits available to them to assist with their mental health challenges, it infers organisational empathy. Of course, the programs and benefits must meet the needs of employees if they are to carry any value and demonstrate that the organisation is listening to employees. There should be a continual evaluation of the program and benefits to ensure there is alignment with employee needs and feedback.

Conclusion

Organisations that invest in addressing the empathy gap will not only retain their talent but also become a highly valued destination for top talent. This is not a nice to have. It is imperative.

And whilst many will be forced out of their comfort zone, that is not an excuse not to do it. Remember a ship is safe in the harbour but that is not what ships are built for. ~ John A. Shedd