In October 1990, I worked for the UK Post Office and undertook the Dale Carnegie Management Seminar. I know the date as I still have my completion certificate!

I was presented with the 1987 edition of Dale Carnegie and Associates book Managing Through People.

One of the key elements of the seminar and the book was about effective communication and listening.

Carnegie first wrote about being a good communicator and listener in his 1936 book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” It has sold tens of millions of copies since that time, but it seems that our leaders today have either not read it or read it and ignored it.

This is a crying shame when communication and in particular listening is the most critical skill a leader needs.

The impact

You cannot empathise if you do not listen. You cannot provide direction if you do not listen. You cannot provide support if you do not listen. You cannot coach or mentor if you do not listen. You cannot communicate effectively if you do not listen. The list goes on. Listening is at the foundation of all the other things a leader must be capable of.

We feel that we should be able to assume good communication skills and effective listening but that is where we make our biggest mistake.

As I work with organisations, I observe on a regular basis leadership where these two skills are far from adequate. This is why I continue to run customised communication workshops for employees at all levels of the organisation, including those designated as leaders.

Unless we get this right, all the leadership development you undertake will be like building a house on shifting sand. All that expensive development will have no solid foundation on which to build. You will be wasting both your time, that of your leaders, and your money.

I think the lack of effective communication and active listening is a result of people assuming that because they “communicate” and “listen” all the time, they must be ok at it. This is not the case.

Just because you can speak does not mean you are communicating.

Just because you can hear does not mean you are listening.

It is time to relearn these skills. In this newsletter, I want to explore communication.

Communication

To this day I still hear people saying, “We did communicate with them. We sent them an email.”

My response? “That is not communication. That is a broadcast.”

Conversation

It is a one-way announcement. It does not always evoke a response. Back in July and August last year I published two newsletters – “A Little Less Communication And A Little More Conversation Please – Part One and Part Two

In the newsletters, I proposed that If we stopped to think about communication as a conversation, the chances of us getting it right would increase. Communication can often be at our stakeholders rather than with them.

I included an infographic that isolated 10 key differences between communication and conversation. You can read the explanation of each difference in the newsletters.

When we communicate like we are having a conversation we clearly transmit a message and check that the message was received as intended.

Channels

We must be authentic and utilise the various channels and mediums we have available to communicate. You must not hide behind email and company bulletins. You must be accessible for people to ask questions, seek clarification, and raise concerns. You must know your audience so that you can hone your communication to meet their specific needs or concerns. You must determine how often you will communicate, the message to be sent, who will send it, and the outcome that you want to occur with each audience.

When considering the channels for communicating a change, ensure they are the ones that convey the message behind the change. If you put your communication in the old company bulletin that everyone finds boring and just deletes, you are saying that your change is boring. Find more exciting, dynamic and different ways to communicate.

Over-communication

Do not let anyone tell you that you can over-communicate. You cannot. If your message is clear, concise, consistent, and targeted, you can repeat it. There is a rule of 7 based on a marketing principle that customers need to hear your message at least 7 times before they will act. This doesn’t mean you have to stick by that exact number, but it demonstrates that repetition is important.

If you are announcing a change, employees may be preoccupied, distracted and their minds clouded with emotional reactions. They may not absorb the message in its entirety when they first hear it. Each time it is repeated, they get another opportunity to learn about the change.

Start with “why”

I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to start all communications with the ‘why.” Too often we assume the “why” will be obvious to everyone. I assure you; it will not be obvious. Too often executives initiate a change behind closed (physical or virtual) doors having explored the “why” the organisation needs to change extensively. The impetus to get the change underway results in the communication starting with “what” needs to change and “how” we will do it.

Without the “why” there is no foundation for the change. It is like announcing that a digital transformation is going to take place, and we will be investing in artificial intelligence platforms. When there is no “why” provided, employees will find their own. “Is this a job-cutting exercise?” “Is my role being automated?” No wonder employees resist change when you forget to start with why.

In my communication workshops, I often use the analogy that one of the participants has said to me, “Karen, we are going to Sydney tomorrow. I will drive and I will pick you up at 08:00.” I have been told “what” we are going to do and “how” but no “why”. I am not going on that journey until I know “why” we must do it.

Questions

When you are communicating like a conversation, you should be asking questions. You can use questions to confirm that your communication has been received as intended.

You can learn more about your audience and their needs, concerns, expectations, and opinions. This helps to tailor your communications and it also makes employees feel they are valued.

Think about the outcomes you wish to achieve from your conversation and use the appropriate questions.

Open questions – these encourage the person to elaborate or explain. They can uncover things you may not have thought to ask about.

Closed questions - these ask for a short specific answer such as “yes” or “no.” Use these for fact-finding or guiding a conversation in a particular way to obtain specific information from which you can formulate an open question.

Confirmation questions – use these to ensure the other person understands your message.

Playback questions – use these to summarise the conversation and clarify your understanding of the other person’s needs.

Of course, these questions are worthless unless you are really listening.

Wrap

Next week we will explore the art of listening. All because you can hear does not mean you have listened.

The Lost Skills of Communication and Listening - COMMUNICATION